Floor Warden

How can the phone be ringing already at 9 am?  I just sent a threatening email to the whole building that usually guarantees peace for a few hours at least.  The first time it lasted several weeks.

The call appears to be from Doug. He’ll be looking for a new floor warden.  The last floor warden left last week on a CVR (Compulsory Voluntary Retirement).  There is a positive side to being a floor warden I suppose.  You get to drag managers out of important meetings and refuse to let them get their cigarettes before leaving the building.  That would be fun, but I’d still hate to do it.  I think it’s the hat.

“Hello, Kevin speaking”

“Hi Kevin, its Doug.  I’m calling because…”

“Hey Doug, what was that loud, weird high-pitched noise just before?”

“That was the fire alarm being tested.”

“Thank God.  So we’re not being attacked by a giant hamster?.”

“Ah, no.  No we aren’t.  I’m calling because…”

“Why do we use funny noises to warn of fire anyway?  Why not get straight to the point with a recorded voice shouting out something like:

“THE BUILDING IS ON FIRE!    TRAMPLE THE WEAK!   RUUUUN!”

(Pregnant with triplets pause)

“I’m calling because we need a new floor warden for evacuations, and I’m starting to think Gordon might be a good choice.”

“Yes, I agree.  The yellow hat will match his eyes.”

“Yes.  That’s fine. Goodbye Kevin.”

God knows why he bothered with me in the first place.  I must be slipping.