The Social Club Car Rally and Treasure Hunt

To:                  Kevin McCabe                                   

Subject:          Social Club Car Rally and Treasure Hunt

Kevin

I haven’t yet received your RSVP for the Social Club Car Rally and Treasure Hunt on Sunday.  Everyone else in your section is going, as well as a lot of other people in the building.  Last year’s event was a great success with fun had by all.  It appears that you have never attended a social club event, so this is your chance to be sociable and have a great time with your colleagues.  Please get back to me today to confirm your attendance or non-attendance.

Regards

Trudy West (Social Club Secretary)

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To:                  Trudy West                 

Subject:          Re: Social Club Car Rally and Treasure Hunt

Trudy,

Unfortunately I have to catalogue my coat hanger collection on Sunday, and therefore cannot attend.

Kevin McCabe

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To:                  Kevin McCabe                             

Subject:          Re: Re: Social Club Car Rally and Treasure Hunt

That isn’t funny Kevin.  The committee puts a lot of time and effort into organizing events for your benefit.  If you don’t want to be sociable (as usual) at least be honest and just say so without your usual flippant attitude.  A lot of people are getting sick of it.

Trudy West

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To:                  Trudy West                           

Subject:          Re: Re: Re: Social Club Car Rally and Treasure Hunt

Trudy,

You want honesty?  Ok, here we go.  Here comes honesty.  Ready?

I would rather get smallpox than go to the car rally and treasure hunt.  I’m aware that smallpox has been officially eradicated, but I will find some if necessary to prove that I will never, ever, attend anything so lame.  That also goes for disco ten pin bowling; Sound of Music sing-along night; line dancing lessons at the Craigie Leisure Centre or whatever horror you dream up next.   Haven’t you heard of going to the pub?  That’s what the rest of us do, and we seem to manage quite well without your supervision.

Go away, I dislike you intensely.

Kevin McCabe

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To:                  Kevin McCabe

Cc:                  Manager Human Resources

Subject:          Re: Re: Re: Re: Social Club Car Rally and Treasure Hunt

That last email is exactly why nobody can stand you in this place.  Did you get that?  Nobody!  You never speak to anyone!  And when you do, its some weird nonsense they can’t understand!  I refuse to be subjected to your sarcasm and insults.  I will be making a formal complaint in person to HR immediately.  Don’t email me again.

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To:                  Trudy West

Cc:                  Manager Human Resources; unicef@unicef.org.auemail@perthzoo.wa.gov.au

Subject:          Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Social Club Car Rally and Treasure Hunt

Believe it or not I do actually speak to people occasionally, just not to you and the rest of your coven.  That is because you are truly, deeply, almost magically dim-witted and boring.  You probably don’t hear me talking because I speak at a normal conversational level.  Unlike you I don’t whoop like a gibbon in mating season, drowning out everything else.

Talking all day doesn’t make you ‘sociable’ it just makes you ‘noisy’.  Anyway, your conversation consists mainly of backbiting when you think the victim is out of earshot (the next building is still in earshot of you).  This makes you more unsociable and weird than I could ever be.  At least I have the wit to be offensive on purpose.

Sincerely hoping you fall under a speeding train.

Kevin McCabe

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To:                  Kevin McCabe

Subject:          Breach of Code of Conduct

Kevin,

Trudy has made a formal complaint following your exchange of emails this morning, and I need to see you in my office as soon as possible.

I know she is a pain, but what were you thinking?  And what do the Zoo and UNICEF have to do with it? I hope they’re not real email addresses.  Being bizarre just for the sake of it doesn’t help the situation at all.

Let me know a good time for you this afternoon.

Regards

Dawn Duffield

Manager Human Resources

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To:                  Manager Human Resources

Subject:          Re: Breach of Code of Conduct

Dawn,

A good time for me this afternoon would be sitting in a pub watching the cricket.  However, I will come to your office at 3.00pm, but only if you swear you’re not going to the sodding car rally and treasure hunt.

Regards

Kevin McCabe

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